So This Is the New Year

Well. If you expected a "Happy New Year," you are clearly reading the wrong blog. In fact, if you live fraudulently, the New Year and, especially, New Year's Eve should not in any way be considered holidays. They are days in which you should be sitting at home alone reflecting back on your failures over the past year. If you're out with people, it should only be because you're so deathly afraid of being alone on this day of all days, and only because people will later judge you on the fact that you were alone on New Year's Eve. On the most successful of New Year's Eves, whether you're alone or among hundreds of people, uncontrollable tears should be streaming down your face.

Let's make a list, then. Still, we don't need to be completely cynical: Fraudulent living isn't all about cynicism, despite what you might think. In fact, a lot of fraudulent living involves being unjustifiably optimistic and, believe it or not, a die-hard romantic about life. And that's what makes the crashing that much harder and teeth-breaking in the end. But enough about that. Let's tally our successes over the past year:

Successes:
1) Surviving
2) Not dying (physically)

Now let's tally our failures:

Failures:
1) Not accomplishing a single goal
2) Surviving

Let's be honest; it was a pretty good year.