Your innate character flaws: Part I - Self-deprecation*

There are so many reasons you will never be a real "success." I mean, sure, you probably have talent, or you wouldn't be living fraudulently. You may have several talents, in fact. Maybe you're an artist, a writer, a musician; maybe you write poetry or some shit. Maybe you're the greatest fucking mime in the world. Or maybe you have an amazing invention that would undoubtedly make you a millionaire. Or maybe you do cool designs that would make neat shirts. The point is, you will never do anything with these talents or ideas, no matter how good they are, because you would rather die than try to sell yourself or anything associated with you. The rare times you actually do try to pitch yourself to anyone at all, it should go almost exactly like this:

You: "Hey, are you completely bored and have absolutely nothing to do?"
Your best friend: "I was thinking of watching TV."
You: "Oh, never mind, then. But, uh, if you get completely bored and desperately need something to do, maybe you can look at this thing I did, because you might find it interesting."
Your best friend: "I'd love to!"
You: "Yeah, it sucks shit."
Your best friend: "Well, where is it? I wanna see it!"
You: "Oh, I'll, uh, send it later."

You will, of course, never send it, because you'll chicken out and assume your best friend will hate you for asking them to look at this drawing you did, or whatever. In fact, you already hate yourself for having created it. This is the best-case scenario. There really is no worst-case scenario, where you ask anyone of consequence to look at your stuff and they reject it, because that will never actually happen.

Next time:
Part II - Your fear of success, your fear of failure, and your fear of being average

*Okay, fine, this should either be "self-deprecatingness" or else it doesn't technically count as a character flaw, but you know what? A completely anal attention (not literally) to syntax and grammatical inanities like "to boldly go" should also be one of your character flaws. Because what could you have been doing for those five minutes you just wasted thinking about whether this was technically correct or not? Anything.