More public crying

Another great place to cry in public is at work. The best thing about crying at work is that even though you hide yourself while the tears are physically cascading down your soggy cheeks, the aftermath still shows clearly on your face when you go back to your three square feet of "private" space. Everyone knows you've been crying; they just pretend you weren't. Even so, they're talking about you behind your back. Yeah, they are.

Now, the best and most obvious place to hide when you're crying is in the bathroom. Your best bet is the handicapped stall, because that's the farthest from the door and the stall that will be least missed. And you will sit on that toilet and cry your little eyes out, constantly pulling off more and more TP to try to prevent puffiness later (which, as previously discussed, is pointless). Also, you will feel totally unsanitary and assume that you're catching lupus for sitting in a public toilet for so long.

But then someone will come in to use the bathroom for regular purposes. Make sure you freeze and stop sniffling and pull your feet up to crouch on the toilet seat so that no one knows you're there (or at least can't peek under the stall to recognize your shoes). Chances are 1 in 10 that the person will be in and out in twenty seconds, and you can go back to falling apart. In a truly fraudulent world, though, that person will come in and start grooming and brushing their teeth and blow-drying their hair, and you will have gotten yourself stuck in the bathroom crouching on a toilet seat for a good twenty minutes. The best part will be that the person knows someone is there. It's obvious that the stall door is closed; and everyone knows that people don't use the handicapped stall except to do #2. So basically, you now either have to crouch on a toilet seat trying not to move or breathe and pray that no one sees you outside when you eventually leave the bathroom, or else you have to rush out quickly and have this person assume you did #2 without washing your hands afterwards. Either way, you're a winner.