Gift giving

Gift giving

Real Frauds don't give or get gifts. You don't give them because the anxiety involved in picking out something and hoping it's sufficient, original and most of all, thoughtful, is utterly excruciating. You don't get gifts because, well, frankly you don't deserve them. 

So what do you do when you're forced to do this for either an office party or some family obligation or even worse, you have a new significant other? First of all, if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever, you've already gone wrong somewhere. Think about that.

Gift certificates are the easiest and least thoughtful thing you can give someone. So if you're forced to give gifts, this is a great option. You can even get them from Target and give the same gift to everyone you need to give a gift to, because who doesn't need something from Target? They have food, clothes, electronics and hair care products. That pretty much covers everything.

You can go for a gag gift if you're really feeling creative. But remember this: the money you just spent on that joke is gone forever and the person you gave it to will likely laugh and then discreetly throw it away. Was that laugh worth the $15? Better to take that person out to a nice dinner at Chipotle.

If you're given a gift, this is the worst. We both know you don't deserve it. And now whatever's inside that wrapping has to evoke the desired reaction in your face. All the pressure is on YOU now, baby. You better muster up that perfect look of surprise, elation and gratitude. That's right. All of those. In one face. At once. Sound impossible? That's because it is.

This time of year, I find the best present to get and give is the timeless gift of 364 days until you have to deal with this again.