Exercise

When you're living fradulently, one of your most pressing personal conflicts should involve the gym. 

Ideally, you want to buy a gym membership at an inflated price, not because you want to spend more money, but just because talking to the gym membership salesguy is so uncomfortable that you'll pay anything to make it stop. Your gym should be close to work and close to your house. The reason for this is that it will make you feel extra pathetic as you walk right past it most days without going inside.

Since the gym is close to work, you'll think, "Maybe I'll make it there on my way in or on my way home." Keeping this in mind, every day you should bring your gym clothes to work with you. This is what we in the business call, "lying to yourself." 

It's not that you don't want to look better or feel better by going to the gym. In fact, the few times you've gone you've probably noticed a measurable uptick in your general demeanor and state of mind. The problem is, it sucks so bad to go. It's hard. It's really boring. It requires more energy than you could possibly muster in the morning before work or especially after 9 hours sitting at a desk and daydreaming about your bed. 

On the weekends, you'll be tempted to want to go to the gym. Go with this thought. The best thing about it is that it will stop you from doing anything else with your day, because the entire day will be based on the statement "After I get out of the gym..." If you never end up going to the gym, then no real plans can ever be made, and you'll have pretty successfully wasted one of your only two days off from work. 

And then you'll feel like a lazy piece of shit. You can then lay down on your couch with a box of White Cheddar Cheez-Its and a bottle of wine and do some self examination.  Mostly of that thing on your foot that looks like it's changed color.