Your inferiority/superiority complex

Let's be honest: You are great. You are pretty much smarter, better-looking, more full of talent, and less full of unpleasant odors than the closest ten people around you combined. However, let's not forget that you are also the most pathetic, least capable of doing anything, dumbest, ugliest person alive. Also, you're a total failure. This may seem like a paradox, but it's not, because you're not really cool enough to be a paradox. This is just regular fraudulent living.

The great thing about thinking you're both better and worse than everyone is that you have no real justification for either. These are things you just know about yourself, the way you know god doesn't exist but that He hates you anyway. You should be pretty good at convincing lame people you don't like and whom you only know peripherally that you are pretty much perfect, and isn't it weird how you're not taken, because obviously you're a great catch for anyone? What they don't know is that you're sort of like if a decent artist took a giant hunk of poop and sculpted it pretty well and then painted it with nice paints that made it look like a really good piece of art, but actually once you poke it, you're just sticking your finger into poop.

Still, even knowing this about yourself, you should walk around assuming that the parents of everyone you see on the street must have been siblings.