Your life is an exercise in balance. How close to rock-bottom can you hover without ever actually getting there? This is a question you strive to answer every day as you make your way clumsily through life. It’s a question that underlines all the decisions you make, both big and small, from who to date to how to manage your meager finances to what poisonous substances to consume. It’s what keeps you up at night and what feeds your generalized anxiety disorder as well as your myriad, troubling addictions. This question is really the ultimate goal of your whole life.

Lucky for you, Fraudulent Living is here to show you the way. The true way. The way of the neurotic, self-obsessed, success-avoiding loser. It’s time to quit pussyfooting around and do this for real.

That’s right, “pussyfooting.”

Welcome to Fraudulent Living.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Fear


There's an awful lot in this world to fear. Think about that for a second. Think about all the stuff that could happen to you in any given situation. It doesn't just have to be body related, either. There are lots of things to fear that don't have anything to do with that multi-colored mole on your forearm (though you should really get that thing looked at).

So, much like guilt should be at the core of most of your actions and inactions, so should fear. And your fear should not be relegated only to the probable or statistically possible event outcomes in your life. If you're living properly, your fear should reach far into the realm of what other people call "unlikely" or "fucking impossible."

Take your morning commute, for instance. If you drive, then you're well aware of the likelihood of a car wreck. But have you ever considered the other things to fear about driving? Like what happens if you go under a freeway overpass and an earthquake strikes at that precise moment? What if the "check engine" light that won't turn off is actually a slow gas leak into the interior, poisoning you with every breath? What if you hit and kill a pedestrian? What if you hit and kill an animal? What if you hit and kill a small child pedestrian carrying an animal? What if your car spontaneously explodes?

If you take public transportation to work, you can think about pretty much all of these in addition to wondering if the homeless man on the other side of the subway car is "benign" crazy or actually "kill you" crazy.

Most social interactions should be fraught with fear, especially meeting new people. Most of this fear will be centered around how idiotic/ugly/smelly/obviously high you must seem. And even if you don't like the person you're talking to or have no intention of ever speaking to them again, your worst fear should be that they feel the same way.

You might think that living with all this fear is unhealthy. Good. Now you can be afraid of your fear, too.

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