Discipline

In order to achieve your goals/aims in life, you'll find you need to focus energy and time. You need to budget resources. This is called Discipline. It's one of the things in this world that you totally lack.

You can gear yourself up for certain things at certain times, but the staying power of your discipline is completely unpredictable. You might find it relatively easy and even fun sometimes to, say, pick up a book and get a hundred pages read in one sitting. But after you put that book down, will you finish it? It's about a 50/50 chance. Now, if the last page you read out of the 100 happened to be a little on the boring side, then this goes down to about 20/80. 

The same goes for creative endeavors. Sometimes you'll bust through an entire painting/song/poem/craft/story/blog post in one dynamic burst of creation. This is usually when you actually finish things. If you hit even the most minor snag in the process, you can pretty much kiss the entire project goodbye and accept that the rest of your night/day will be spent doing anything except the work you started (this will usually mean calling  everyone in your address book and leaving messages and then finally going online and chatting with anyone who will type at you until your eyes feel like badly baked flan.) 

This might seem like ADD, but it's not. Like most of the rest of your life, this behavior can't be explained by something that's actually treatable.

The fact that you are utterly bankrupt of discipline will never be more apparent than when you look at the actual state of your life. When you go back through the last 10, 15, maybe even 20 years, you won't help but be able to notice that almost everything that's gone wrong in your life can probably be traced to not following through. Laziness, the propensity to succumb to the most trivial of distractions and a general fear of seeing the consequences of your actions are all  contributing forces. 

So you can sit there and dwell on this and get upset and come up with an action plan, but we both know you won't.