God

God

So, any good Fraud has to have some kind of conflict about God.  Usually it involves being pretty certain in his non-existence but vehemently hoping you're wrong because your fear of death is rivaled only by your hidden desire for it. Fraudulent living is complicated.

Your hypochondria has kicked into overdrive. You are absolutely certain you're going to die in a month or a year of your brain tumor or hepatitis C. What's the next logical thought? That's right. Where am I going? What is going to happen when I die? What will it feel like? Will anyone care?

Though your brain tells you there's nothing beyond death, your fear tells you not only is there nothing but that the nothing will probably really suck bad. It tells you that "nothing" will likely be you, alone, in a pitch dark room with nothing to do or look at for eternity. Just you and your thoughts. Alone. Forever.

"Nothing" is actually "hell", turns out.

So you start to pray to a God that you don't believe in just because you somehow think that he won't be able to see through your little ploy and will grant you a cure from your brain tumor or admittance into heaven or that the student loan database will have a glitch and erase your $30,000 debt. There are so many reasons to fraudulently pray to God when you really need Him. It's best to say these little prayers and then when things turn out to not be as dire as you thought or somehow something goes in your favor to completely forget that you ever prayed to any "god" and continue bashing the idea of religion or a higher power to anyone who will listen.

There may be no atheists in foxholes, but there are plenty in cubicles.