Speaking of weekends

As was mentioned by my fraudulent counterpart, weekends are a double-edged sword.  You might be happy to not have to toil at work, but now you have 48 hours of opportunity to ruin your life. If you work it out correctly, you should wake up on Monday morning with enough guilt about the weekend to consume almost half your next week.

Drinking is key. If you can think or talk or look at a bright light or walk without falling over or do not wish that you were dead on Sunday, then something went wrong on Saturday. Horribly wrong. Sunday should be spent sleeping/drinking away your hangover. How can you do that if you don't have one?

Go out on Saturday night. Even if you don't feel like it. And if you're too poor to go out, find someone who's rich enough or lonely enough to take you out. Or if you're not into going out, then grab a bottle and sit on the couch with a box of tissue and a guitar. Don't let this night go to waste. Instead, lay waste to it.

On Sunday, you should wake up in a cold sweat and not be able to function until the evening. At which point you will have successfully passed the entire weekend.  Eat some greasy food and wash it down with a swig of regret. You deserve it.