Your appearance

How you present yourself to the world is your key to fraudulence.
There will be moments in life when you believe you're good-looking, but there's a reason for that. You know that ugly friend you have who grows more and more attractive as you talk to them because you've grown used to their third nose and green-tinted skin? Well, you're like your own ugly best friend, only you've had your whole life to adjust to your image in a mirror. Because of this, you might occasionally find yourself strutting around, pimp-like, thinking you're the best-looking human being alive. At some point, though, a friend will show you candid photos of yourself. These inevitably awful photos will destroy any confidence you ever had. Because of course it's not the camera, the angle, or the faces you're making - it's your actual face that's your problem. You're the Vanessa Huxtable to the Denises and Claires of the world.

Try to distract people from your unattractiveness by attempting to be fashionable. Unfortunately, you have no idea what "fashionable" means, but you can always pretend you're one of those people who's so fashionable that they intentionally disregard fashion trends. In fact, because you put kitsch quality on the same level as real quality, go ahead and buy a bunch of the most unflattering shirts and pants you can find. It'll be obvious to everyone that your clothes are excessively ugly, so people will congratulate you on them instead, drawing attention away from the fact that you're gaudier than Michael Jackson's face. As an added bonus, because your entire generation is as fraudulent as you are, your intentionally ugly wardrobe will probably end up coinciding with current fashions anyway.

The important thing to remember is this: Whether you grow a huge beard, wear accessories designed for 8-year-old girls, or cut yourself some thick, grotesquely straight bangs that cover your eyebrows and half your eyes, the purpose of your outward appearance is not to reflect your real self at all. Leave people wondering whether there could be an attractive person hiding underneath the poor hair, clothing, and makeup choices. There isn't, but that enigma will probably get you a couple of fraudulent dates from the same people who would choose the mystery box over the new car. Then, when they end up with a whoopee cushion, they'll only have themselves to blame.