Getting laid off

In these rough economic times, a lot of us are having to face the reality of being laid off from work. Let's examine some good ways to deal with this situation and with all your resultant extra free time. 

First, apply for unemployment. Even though your income from these checks will only barely pay your rent, it's better than nothing. Also, any job you are offered from here on out will have to be weighed against the reality of losing your unemployment and your god-given right to stay up until until 5am eating reduced-fat Cheez-Its and downloading movies you'll never watch to your computer. 

It's also good to remember that, with unemployment rates at double digits, it's actually sort of socially acceptable for you to be out of work. This is in contrast to most of the time you've been out of work and looked down on as a lazy, useless bag of flesh. Now when you tell people you're unemployed, they'll look at you with sympathy rather than that usual mix of confusion and disgust, like they just saw a thalidomide baby.

Spend about an hour a day pretending to look for a job online but getting distracted by pornography. 

You should also take some time to really examine yourself while you're out of work with nothing to do. You should use a large wall mirror and a magnifying glass for this. Since you have no medical insurance, make sure you discover something that will convince you you have cancer or Crohn's disease. Then, calm yourself down about these exotic diseases by remembering that without medical insurance it's far more likely you'll be killed by strep throat.