Your taste in things: Food

You already know what your regular diet should consist of when it's only up to you. However, you'll often go out to eat with other people, in which case a gallon of coffee, cheese and gum won't be acceptable. When, say, you go on a date with someone new, one of the first chances you'll have to fraudulate is through your expressed interest in unusual and/or ethnic food.

When your date forces you to respond to "Where should we go for dinner?" make sure you name something generically but obviously foreign, like "Japanese" or "Ethiopian" (or, preferably, "You pick"). Whatever you do, don't specify any meat-related foods, because if you live in a major metropolitan area, your date will likely turn out to be a vegetarian. If they are, make sure you say something like, "Yeah, I'm basically a vegetarian, although I don't know if I could give up fish. I never eat red meat and rarely eat chicken or pork." You should declare this vehemently, even though you recently won a free meal at a steakhouse by consuming their 150-oz. steak in one sitting and then had chicken nuggets later that night. This statement is a good way to start a relationship, because you'll find that every time you go out, you'll be forced into not ordering what you want and you'll develop a bitterness and eventual hatred towards your significant other, who probably doesn't really care that you eat meat anyway. Even if your date isn't vegetarian, you'll have set up a precedent for eating at new and sometimes weird places when all you really want is a piece of pepperoni pizza.

On the other hand, you'll often go out with friends as well. When this happens, make sure you only go to places for kitsch value, like Red Lobster, or Wendy's, or Chuck E. Cheese, where the food is terrible and the people who aren't there for kitsch value are depressing shades of gray or massively overweight. Then, later, when your intestines are bloated and gooey and you've wasted the same amount of money, or more, on what could have been a really good meal not comprised of pure lard, make sure you promise yourself never to pick a restaurant for kitsch value again. Then, two days later, suggest Sizzler when your friend asks you where you want to go out to eat.