How smart you are

One thing about your personality that is pretty consistent across all its aspects is a deep, hidden shame. You are ashamed of something, somewhere, all the time. If there's an aspect of your life that you don't feel ashamed of, simply having this realization should cause you to find some reason to be ashamed. One of the best things to be ashamed of is your total failure to do anything productive with your massive intellect. 

Let's say you live in a city like New York or Chicago or Los Angeles. Any of these places is rife with museums, art galleries, opera houses, random art installations, poetry readings, book signings, theatre, concerts, lectures and lots of other stuff you never go to. Also, since many of these are free, your bad money-management skills aren't to blame. It's just the deep, fundamental fact that you suck that keeps you at home, drinking cheap wine from the bottle and watching shows on the History channel that discuss who would be the victor in a hypothetical brawl between a pirate and a ninja. 

Now, you can probably talk, off-the-cuff, about lots of cultured-sounding, politically relevant or academicish things. But you were also probably the person in college who never went to class, did roughly 1/10th of the reading, and was still able to write the final paper and get a B+. This is how you channel your smarts. Instead of doing the actual work, all your intellectual power goes into faking it at the last minute and tricking everyone around you into believing you're brilliant. Imagine if you signed up for a marathon, but instead of spending the months before training your body to be able to run for 26 miles you instead laid around in your bedroom dreaming up a plot, like a bomb threat, to get the marathon canceled. That's how you live your "life."

When you finally realize that if you were less lazy you could have gone to Harvard, studied virology, and become the person to finally create the zombie virus that brings about the apocalypse, but instead you went to a state school, majored in French and are now working a series of increasingly humiliating temp jobs, you should get lightheaded with shame. Then, you should turn on the TV and find out once and for all if a gladiator could stand a chance against a samurai.