Your drinking solution

By this point in your life (whatever point that might be), you should be just on the verge of being a full-blown alcoholic. However, since alcoholism is an actual treatable disease, and being diagnosed with it would cause you to have to seek help, you must never actually cross the line to alcoholism. 

You should find yourself in most situations wishing you were drunk. It's not that you really crave a drink like an alcoholic might. You just feel like most situations could use a little liquoring up. As you sit at your desk at work you should find yourself sometimes reflecting on how much less heinous your job might be if you and everyone around you were a little drunk. Then you should take that thought experiment to its logical conclusion and realize that if you had it your way, regular life would be borderline insane and totally chaotic, just to treat your boredom. 

And right here is the key to why you have a drinking "problem." Alcohol is the best medicine for the disease of living. It's the easiest cure for boredom. It's not a "problem" at all, really. It's actually the solution. Even doing literally nothing, such as staring at the blank wall in your bedroom, can be made less stupid just by drinking. All social interactions are easier to deal with or at least forget when you're drinking. Everything, including you yourself, is easier when you're drunk. The only thing that's made harder from drinking is waking up in the mornings. And also your liver.

Just be sure that you don't develop actual alcoholism. This would be bad because it would cause you probably to stop drinking. And that would really fucking goddamn suck. To this end, it's good to remember that sometimes the best way to make sure you never get diagnosed with a disease is to never go to the doctor.